- Here's to Goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.
- March 4th, 2010
Well, I realized yesterday that I had several depressing things to think about. Mostly how I have a decent job, some genuinely real friends, and most of all people who can come up with something nice to say aboot me even if it's just to cheer me up. However, I concluded that I am still feeling rather "alone" or "lonely" or maybe both. I've been single my entire life, and it's never really bothered me until I realized I don't exactly have any single friends. I force myself into a third wheel situation, and I'm actually more comfortable in group situations than one on ones. I wouldn't even know what to do without feeling awkward if there wasn't a third or more person there. Well, that may be a stretch, but still... It's not like I try and be ...not single... but I don't really have a whole lot of a social life to share with anybody. I'm not exactly a social person. Look how often I update this sunnuvagun. Having come to this conclusion last night, I went to bed at 8:30PM, after watching some semi-freakish version of a Miley Cyrus song on American Idol. My alarm went off at 4:30 to a song I didn't want to start my day to and I went back asleep to wake up at 6:47. I was supposed to be at work at 6. Oops.
So, I guess I must've slept off whatever my problem was last night because I feel a lot better. I don't care so much about those things. Now I'm off for 3 days and have not really anything to do. Well, besides maybe think about the Good things going for me. I'm happy, I think. Maybe I just don't know what it's like to be happy after so many years of being surrounded by bitter disappointment and inconsistencies. I'm out on my own. I should be having fun. If I made a new year's resolution to make one new friend this year do you suppose I could do it? I don't care if it's March 4 (I had put the 3rd then, having realized that could be why I couldn't get up this morning, changed my mind) but I think I'm going to try it. Where do people look for new friends that aren't necessarily something of the "relationship" category?
Maybe I'm still tired. Am I being unrealistic? I'm not used to encouragement. I'm not used to being the one that has to change plans, nor the one who forgets about them. But, to those of you who have dealt with my shortcomings over the years, I am sorry. :) For some reason, I've had this feeling for a while that I want to irk some people. I've been very good about not naming names and pointing fingers, and it has led me to this warped sense of self that decrees from time to time,
"nanananananana I wanna get in a fight!"