...where you walk into a place you've been neglecting to go for a long time and you breathe in and say "I'm home?" Last night I wandered over to Livejournal. It was so eerie! I looked at myself and realized a lot about who I was and what has and hasn't changed.
I've realized that I had a knack for being in toxic friendships. This is something that hasn't changed. But ultimately the people who still stick with me are folks from Livejournal. People I've known for years, and several people I have never met. The least toxic thing in my life is the one I've neglected the most. And maybe I don't have the time for posting, and I don't have any shows I want to join a community for, but it's having a place to vent that isn't full of family to judge me or work to fire me, it's "home."
I look here, and I see the real me. The me that didn't have to hide behind anything. I see how often I was hurt by people I thought I loved....people I thought were friends...people who I don't even speak to anymore. I see what used to make me happy. The things missing in my life now.
Don't expect that I visit daily or hourly as I have in the past. Given my recent history, monthly might even be a stretch. I live on Facebook and vacation on Twitter now. Far away from home. But the people here, the ones who have literally been here with me through good and bad, still know where to find me. I can't believe the people I've had the easiest time keeping touch with are mostly people I have never had a face-to-face interaction with. And they are the people I miss most often. "The Tie That Binds" ....right?
I don't really know what this post is, and I'm being as vague as possible so as to not get attached. Essentially this post is a shout out to all of the "you know who you are" people in my life.
But I still hate labels.
"I'm Still Seth Cohen"
Implications For A Thick Skull
Gotta Love The Freedom Balls
- Did you ever have that feeling....